...who knew?...

The strength of a person’s mind is as powerful as their will. In light of recent incidents, I’ve realized the tenacity and determination required to look away from an old attachment, routines, or even, a friend. You never thought the day would come when the expiration lapsed and a total meltdown would ensue. Years of quiet tolerance, patient ignorance, and a gnawing fear that it would be for naught. I have come a long way from fists in the streets to words at the dinner table. Yet, I never thought such words would be spilled at a friendly dinner. Then, the clouds raged and grew dark. Over a meal of meat and potatoes, friendly words soon soured, turned into hatred and ugliness, and blood boiled.

From the first word, I felt my brow weigh down. My nape prickled and grew hot. The acid-hot blood surged through my veins and I saw the beginnings of darkness. Prone to extreme anger and violence in truly necessary situations, I felt I was thrown into the pit of lions. All I saw at that point was KILL.  Here was what I thought was my comrade, my friend, and he simply lost it. With that in mind, I realized I couldn’t react like I would in the darkest situations, despite these ugly words. Yet, the beast in me screamed to kill, ravage, destroy, mutilate, just to react in a simply destructive way. The man in me kept the beast in check, but not without repercussions. At only the halfway point of this altercation, I began shaking and quivering violently with the inner desire for combustion battling my self-control. I could feel the beast clawing, tearing inside me, roaring to kill, but yet, I was holding back.
Somehow, I was able to restrain myself, keep it cool, and calmly try to break down the situation. I asked questions pertinent to our lives, our future, and the implications of the now. Completely disregarded, I was shocked. It went above and beyond what was necessary in unnecessary. I mustered up the strength to say my last words without backlash.

You will regret this. You will regret the things you’ve said and done. You don’t know it now, but you will see it soon.

These last words weren’t said once, but multiple times. I tried to give the benefit of doubt, the moment of pause to react appropriately, yet it was a lost cause. After the final saying of these words, I got up and turned my back to my former friend. While I didn’t decide it would be forever, I knew it my mind and heart that it will be so. Upon descending the steps out the door and into the street, I was engulfed in a blackness of rage and anguish. I was still shocked by the turn of events, yet accepting of my decision and choice.
The strength of a person’s mind is as powerful as it allows them to believe as long as there is a degree of control and sanity. Sadly, I believe two powerful minds were at a head and one prevailed. The other seemed to have cracked like glass and spilled its contents out, plaguing me with its evil words. It took much out of me but I realized that I am much stronger than that.
The strength of my mind is of my own perception of my true power. I make this point by diminishing means of communication, desire, or relationship. I feel a sense of comfort and stability by looking to the future, not the past.
There is no time for a person to be brought down by another person’s words or actions.

...redemption...

There's a red plaid ocean in my dreams
An endless bobbing sea of flannel
The time stretches out endlessly
I find myself sinking in the darkness
And a hand touches me on my soul
Electrified and revived
The skies are empty as my sadness
Wanting for nothing
My angel waits for me to wake
 Green blue eyes and soft
I hear the drumbeats go in my head
From deep inside, from far away
Her touch blinds my senses
I open my eyes to stop the storm
I grab her close to keep from crashing
Swallowed up in the sea
The night ends and day brightens
I hold her warmth next to me
Keep myself close to this love
Fighting against the time
As a broken man beat down
She pulled me from the fire
Save my soul from certain destruction
Sweet redemption rained down from her eyes
Green-blue tears to heal my wounds
I look up at the sky to see her
But she's gone away, far away
I see the clock racing against me
She already knew what was to come
As I find myself sitting alone
I look at the lines of my hands
And see all the times they've touched her
For the first time in a long time
I smile.

...101 reasons why the French are...

NSFW: The Dance of the Seven Veils

Magicienne se déshabille
by badoles