A short time passes by and I think it's been forever. I see my changes in stages that are almost exponential in progression. I feel that as time goes by and it telescopes to a final outcome, the subsequent growth will only be faster and faster until I achieve the maturity necessary to die gracefully.
I never fear or worry that it is near. Do you think life will be any better or easier or convenient by preparing for the inevitable? Maybe it is selfish to think this way, but if you take calculated risks everyday, where's the harm in risking peace of mind? No matter, it comes for us all but we all approach it in such a variety of ways, one would think we'd be enlightened to the fact.
The things that make you happy. That make you sad. That make you crave life. Crave isolation. Where does it all come from? What can you do for yourself to be where you want to be? Is it all in our head? Our hearts? A little of everything? I hope we're not being seduced by a great power with the intent of bending you over backwards for every ounce of our soul. In every stage of our lives, we fight against something. Feeling ourselves alone in the world. A world of billions clawing at each other for the top. Most give up. Most stand back and watch. The few that stand tall are drawing a fine line between insanity and genocide. We are either a good or a bad. I lay here thinking, hoping there will be another time when I can look back and see something worth saving, living, fighting for.
I smile at the thought one day I'll make it far away from here. Sure, things aren't bad, but sometimes you want something more. I am always looking for it, feeling for it....most times, i dont even know what it is....
Being purposeful in life is a rarity. Most questions are left unanswered. We pray, beg, seek, study, learn, explore the reaches for an answer to everything. We destroy and rape as we discover. We have encyclopedias and books and resources filled with information of everything in the world. All our thoughts, our sciences, our religions, our feelings, our lives, all on a piece of paper or digital data. In the time we live in, we should definitely have enlightenment. Yet, we are beasts, raw and wild in our own state. Will our journeys cut too deep into the earth? Will we finally learn the mind? Will we abandon our ties to weaknesses? And the world reborn?
I cherish every moment I have. I regret every evil I've done. I am still young and have much to do yet in my life. I only wish for an epic ending. I hope the day I die, I turn to stone and the first west wind will blow me to dust. I know this is only a dream of heroic tragedy, but it wouldn't hurt to end in such a way. I believe we all earn our rewards. It all depends on how you look at them. You appreciate and value what you have, who you have near you, and how you live. To desire, want, stress over needless things and people is the hardest habit to break. We all feel a need for something in our lives but controlling how it affects you is supreme. If not for the human heart, the world would run rampant with the bile that is our dark side.
Maybe i'm not doing so well, after all. Maybe I'm going too slow and stupid for what's necessary in life. Maybe I really don't know what I'm doing. None of that matters since all I see is where I'm going and the end result and the fact that I can see that is very comforting. I haven't had an end goal in sight in so long, it was almost disheartening. To be able to know what the end will be if all goes well, give or take a few detours, is an amazing thing. Especially after a long set of confusing years and bitterness.
No matter.
It's only going to be hell from here on out.
Hell, I can handle.
Tuesday, July 28, 2009
Tuesday, July 21, 2009
Monday, July 20, 2009
Cisco
Sorry for my brief hiatus. I've been on a trip visiting the boys in SF and my sister in Sacramento.
I wouldve been putting up stuff, but something sinister has been keeping me from the written word.
One word.
Cisco.
We'll come to that.
It all started with my arrival at the boys in SF. The plans unfolded immediately as I stepped in. It was 636pm, early for festivities...there's talk of a Bike 42 Vodka afterparty...blunts....general rancor..and all the confusion you could want. All I have on my mind before anything needs to be done is bibimbap. 'Don't worry, we'll get it before they close'
I didn't worry.
We gather up our stuff and depart, only to my dismay, for the liquor store. What? No food? I've been driving all day. 'We'll eat before the bar'
Good idea.
Well, these boys love tecate. I can't say the same, but I feel an obligation to keep up so I cracked one...or 6 open and we watched the crowds pulse and fade and the light dip in the sky. Soon, one by one, we head out. Then, there was two.
We hoof it back to the house to grab some wheels for the next step.
'Bibimbap?!'
'Yes, my friend'
Success.
We're en route for some glorious grub. It's only about 6 blocks away but the anticipation was great. We come upon the vomit lime green building and, sure enough, it's open. We walk in only to be stopped at the doorway.
'Oh, no! We're closed! (input heavy korean accented apologies)'
"it's ok...we'll get it tomorrow for lunch.'
Damn.
Anyone that knows me, this was a blow to my esteem. No matter. I'll pick it up later.
We crash into the M later on to an interesting mix of people and music. Familiar faces, hugs, hellos, unrecognized moments, all good times.
I immediately sit next to a Haitian girl who has the tendency to be amourous with quite a few people..maybe some of them in the room aall at once, if she could. That being said, I sat next to her and we started catching up for no reason. Why would it even matter? All her eyes see are penises and vaginas. Like a finely attuned predator, they only see one thing.
The random chatter goes on, I sweep the room, the drinks are plenty, the friends are laughing, the people are, more or less, getting along.
'What? I keep forgetting you guys have no 7&7s'
Goddamnit.
Must not be my night tonight.
Gin and a squeeze of OJ, then.
Gin.
Gin.
Gin.
The night started to take on a familiar blur. The noises melted and blended with the lights and faces. We break around the alley every so often for a much needed smoke.
Exhale. The chatter turns into nonstop laughter. It's one great big party. Nothing to worry about.
Stumbling in through the front door, I sit down at a booth and the predator is still on the search. She returns to me.
Am I a last resort?
Maybe.
She sits next to me and looks me up and down. I look back and think 'the fuck?'
She starts pawing at me in a drunken fervor to elicit a sexual response. Seeing a person on the end of the night looking for someone in the middle of the night wasn't doing it. I just looked at her with a slight sadness and what does she do?
'Hmmmph'
Typical.
Rapid fire texting begins. I watch over her shoulder as I recognize the names, she sends a horny SOS.
Does it work?
I think it mightve.
In a few short minutes, over a fresh gin, I see her come around the corner with an obvious look of a mission accomplished and not far behind her, a kid with a ratty 'stache and budding locks zipping up his pants. Everyone's gotta have a good night in their own right.
Let it go.
The hours are running late. My friends are all over the place. I don't know where they are half the time. We decide it's time to have a bonfire in the backyard of a local.
Duraflame, Cisco, Doritos, big mistakes we should never have made.
Load up. Bike off. Squeeze through door. Set up pit.
Instantly, we have a group of people vying for a space and a drink.
We sit and crack open a fresh tecate, duraflame log crackling away, and the devil is raised.
Cisco.
The first one is opened.
Grape.
Smells like tylenol, cough syrup, grape swishers, and booze all in one.
Godawful.
We swig and pass.
Within minutes, it is empty.
We sip our tecates and smoke. Afraid of the next one to come.
Fresh tecates all around.
The fire burns low. We sink deeper in our seats, conversations building in intensity, the booze flowing.
Fresh log. Fresh bottle.
Cisco.
No!
No more!
This one, a berry flavor.
Goddamnit.
We swig and pass.
It's not as bad...maybe it's the alcohol numbing me. Maybe it really just doesn't taste that bad now.
Sip the tecates and watch the fire blaze hot. The bowls go around. The Cisco goes even faster.
Crack open a new bottle.
Cisco.
FUCK!
Is this going to end?
Well...two more bottles.
How much time has passed at this point? I'm not even sure and I keep glancing at my cell phone to gauge my space....
but I'm lost.
I can't even remember the last time it was when I last looked.
Swig.
Puff.
Exhale.
My insides are churning.
I don't want to look at anyone anymore. The fire makes them look like caricatures. One girl in particular looks extremely cartoony with eyes that look like they'd be before a murder. It was my paranoia kicking in. Was it?
Fresh bottle.
Cisco?
Yes, Cisco.
I swore I wouldn't drink anymore of this shit.
Sipping on my tecate, it is thrust into my hand.
Cisco?
FUCK.
I swig as hard as I can.
My eyes water, ears feel like bleeding, stomach turning.
The syrup.
The booze.
The gin.
I'm not so sure I feel good.
Swig and pass.
It's a long night already.
We still have to get through this bottle and ride back home.
4 blocks but 4 blocks is a shitload when your vision is a squinty right eye.
Swig and pass.
Done?
Yes.
I sink into my chair, watching people leave one by one, the flame going low, sinking deeper into darkness.
An incredible surge hits me.
I spring up, walk upstairs, acting as if nothing was up, once in, I bolted for the bathroom.
I've never seen so many rainbow colors in my vomit.
Grape, Cherry, Berry, and an uknown flavor. All swirling in rainbow technicolor.
Fuck.
I think I'll be alright.
I stagger downstairs, crack a fresh tecate, wash my mouth of the hatred.
Cisco.
Gag.
The night nears its end...finally...I have no desire to be awake or alive right now.
We drag our bikes out into the almost morning light.
'What time is it?'
Time to get going so we can do our dance with death riding bikes on the streets.
Zipping in and out of predawn traffic, riding along the bike lane almost clipping cars, trying to time the green lights.
We survive.
I immediately pass out with dreams too blurry and horrifying to retell.
The next morning, I wake to a kick in my side.
'Get up! Food!'
Just what I need.
Eggs and toast.
Recounting the night.
I guess after drinking Cisco, you're prone to a form of prison rape.
Aggressive, drunken, desirable, wanted, glorious.
I don't know what to think.
I just dont ever want to taste Cisco ever again in my life.
I wouldve been putting up stuff, but something sinister has been keeping me from the written word.
One word.
Cisco.
We'll come to that.
It all started with my arrival at the boys in SF. The plans unfolded immediately as I stepped in. It was 636pm, early for festivities...there's talk of a Bike 42 Vodka afterparty...blunts....general rancor..and all the confusion you could want. All I have on my mind before anything needs to be done is bibimbap. 'Don't worry, we'll get it before they close'
I didn't worry.
We gather up our stuff and depart, only to my dismay, for the liquor store. What? No food? I've been driving all day. 'We'll eat before the bar'
Good idea.
Well, these boys love tecate. I can't say the same, but I feel an obligation to keep up so I cracked one...or 6 open and we watched the crowds pulse and fade and the light dip in the sky. Soon, one by one, we head out. Then, there was two.
We hoof it back to the house to grab some wheels for the next step.
'Bibimbap?!'
'Yes, my friend'
Success.
We're en route for some glorious grub. It's only about 6 blocks away but the anticipation was great. We come upon the vomit lime green building and, sure enough, it's open. We walk in only to be stopped at the doorway.
'Oh, no! We're closed! (input heavy korean accented apologies)'
"it's ok...we'll get it tomorrow for lunch.'
Damn.
Anyone that knows me, this was a blow to my esteem. No matter. I'll pick it up later.
We crash into the M later on to an interesting mix of people and music. Familiar faces, hugs, hellos, unrecognized moments, all good times.
I immediately sit next to a Haitian girl who has the tendency to be amourous with quite a few people..maybe some of them in the room aall at once, if she could. That being said, I sat next to her and we started catching up for no reason. Why would it even matter? All her eyes see are penises and vaginas. Like a finely attuned predator, they only see one thing.
The random chatter goes on, I sweep the room, the drinks are plenty, the friends are laughing, the people are, more or less, getting along.
'What? I keep forgetting you guys have no 7&7s'
Goddamnit.
Must not be my night tonight.
Gin and a squeeze of OJ, then.
Gin.
Gin.
Gin.
The night started to take on a familiar blur. The noises melted and blended with the lights and faces. We break around the alley every so often for a much needed smoke.
Exhale. The chatter turns into nonstop laughter. It's one great big party. Nothing to worry about.
Stumbling in through the front door, I sit down at a booth and the predator is still on the search. She returns to me.
Am I a last resort?
Maybe.
She sits next to me and looks me up and down. I look back and think 'the fuck?'
She starts pawing at me in a drunken fervor to elicit a sexual response. Seeing a person on the end of the night looking for someone in the middle of the night wasn't doing it. I just looked at her with a slight sadness and what does she do?
'Hmmmph'
Typical.
Rapid fire texting begins. I watch over her shoulder as I recognize the names, she sends a horny SOS.
Does it work?
I think it mightve.
In a few short minutes, over a fresh gin, I see her come around the corner with an obvious look of a mission accomplished and not far behind her, a kid with a ratty 'stache and budding locks zipping up his pants. Everyone's gotta have a good night in their own right.
Let it go.
The hours are running late. My friends are all over the place. I don't know where they are half the time. We decide it's time to have a bonfire in the backyard of a local.
Duraflame, Cisco, Doritos, big mistakes we should never have made.
Load up. Bike off. Squeeze through door. Set up pit.
Instantly, we have a group of people vying for a space and a drink.
We sit and crack open a fresh tecate, duraflame log crackling away, and the devil is raised.
Cisco.
The first one is opened.
Grape.
Smells like tylenol, cough syrup, grape swishers, and booze all in one.
Godawful.
We swig and pass.
Within minutes, it is empty.
We sip our tecates and smoke. Afraid of the next one to come.
Fresh tecates all around.
The fire burns low. We sink deeper in our seats, conversations building in intensity, the booze flowing.
Fresh log. Fresh bottle.
Cisco.
No!
No more!
This one, a berry flavor.
Goddamnit.
We swig and pass.
It's not as bad...maybe it's the alcohol numbing me. Maybe it really just doesn't taste that bad now.
Sip the tecates and watch the fire blaze hot. The bowls go around. The Cisco goes even faster.
Crack open a new bottle.
Cisco.
FUCK!
Is this going to end?
Well...two more bottles.
How much time has passed at this point? I'm not even sure and I keep glancing at my cell phone to gauge my space....
but I'm lost.
I can't even remember the last time it was when I last looked.
Swig.
Puff.
Exhale.
My insides are churning.
I don't want to look at anyone anymore. The fire makes them look like caricatures. One girl in particular looks extremely cartoony with eyes that look like they'd be before a murder. It was my paranoia kicking in. Was it?
Fresh bottle.
Cisco?
Yes, Cisco.
I swore I wouldn't drink anymore of this shit.
Sipping on my tecate, it is thrust into my hand.
Cisco?
FUCK.
I swig as hard as I can.
My eyes water, ears feel like bleeding, stomach turning.
The syrup.
The booze.
The gin.
I'm not so sure I feel good.
Swig and pass.
It's a long night already.
We still have to get through this bottle and ride back home.
4 blocks but 4 blocks is a shitload when your vision is a squinty right eye.
Swig and pass.
Done?
Yes.
I sink into my chair, watching people leave one by one, the flame going low, sinking deeper into darkness.
An incredible surge hits me.
I spring up, walk upstairs, acting as if nothing was up, once in, I bolted for the bathroom.
I've never seen so many rainbow colors in my vomit.
Grape, Cherry, Berry, and an uknown flavor. All swirling in rainbow technicolor.
Fuck.
I think I'll be alright.
I stagger downstairs, crack a fresh tecate, wash my mouth of the hatred.
Cisco.
Gag.
The night nears its end...finally...I have no desire to be awake or alive right now.
We drag our bikes out into the almost morning light.
'What time is it?'
Time to get going so we can do our dance with death riding bikes on the streets.
Zipping in and out of predawn traffic, riding along the bike lane almost clipping cars, trying to time the green lights.
We survive.
I immediately pass out with dreams too blurry and horrifying to retell.
The next morning, I wake to a kick in my side.
'Get up! Food!'
Just what I need.
Eggs and toast.
Recounting the night.
I guess after drinking Cisco, you're prone to a form of prison rape.
Aggressive, drunken, desirable, wanted, glorious.
I don't know what to think.
I just dont ever want to taste Cisco ever again in my life.
Wednesday, July 15, 2009
over the hill
As you may or may not know, I've been going through a rebuilding of self. Health, substance abuse, mental adaptation and exploration, friends, family, and the inner me.
I've always been in tune with myself, keeping myself going strong, but for a few years I lost myself, lost my life, lost my friends...
I used to wonder what the purpose of anything was..drifting along in life, not knowing what to do, feeling inadequate in terms of survival...
I never knew what to say, what to do next, lead with my heart....i merely judged deep inside and perceived the world as it unfolded...and without a word understood.
It's taken nearly 9 months now to find the things I once enjoyed regularly, to laugh with an ease you dont find in many people, to see past the bad to a solution...
Now, at 25, I try to kid myself that I've got plenty of time. Bear in mind, I plan on living to 100...but quite a few of those latter years may be spent keeping ahead of death, so it would be lost time.
Nonetheless, I realize the limits of my time and prime. I worry that it's going to take too long...before you know it that exact space of time has passed and you regret the wasteful thinking.
It's been a summer of love and I dont think I could be much more comfortable in life...while a bowl of cereal right now would be great...
I keep thinking that if I was younger and was still wasting my time, I'd have just disappeared to Hawaii to surf for a few years....I used to use that thought to go "oh well, now it's too late." instead I try to turn it into desire and will for school, travel, and life.
now I only regret not going....but that's gotta pass at some point.
I'm as ready as I'll ever be, though.
If Chuck Norris can fight in the Korean War, get trained by Bruce Lee, and fuck Christie Brinkley at 69, then I'll give myself another 65 years before i lose it.
I've always been in tune with myself, keeping myself going strong, but for a few years I lost myself, lost my life, lost my friends...
I used to wonder what the purpose of anything was..drifting along in life, not knowing what to do, feeling inadequate in terms of survival...
I never knew what to say, what to do next, lead with my heart....i merely judged deep inside and perceived the world as it unfolded...and without a word understood.
It's taken nearly 9 months now to find the things I once enjoyed regularly, to laugh with an ease you dont find in many people, to see past the bad to a solution...
Now, at 25, I try to kid myself that I've got plenty of time. Bear in mind, I plan on living to 100...but quite a few of those latter years may be spent keeping ahead of death, so it would be lost time.
Nonetheless, I realize the limits of my time and prime. I worry that it's going to take too long...before you know it that exact space of time has passed and you regret the wasteful thinking.
It's been a summer of love and I dont think I could be much more comfortable in life...while a bowl of cereal right now would be great...
I keep thinking that if I was younger and was still wasting my time, I'd have just disappeared to Hawaii to surf for a few years....I used to use that thought to go "oh well, now it's too late." instead I try to turn it into desire and will for school, travel, and life.
now I only regret not going....but that's gotta pass at some point.
I'm as ready as I'll ever be, though.
If Chuck Norris can fight in the Korean War, get trained by Bruce Lee, and fuck Christie Brinkley at 69, then I'll give myself another 65 years before i lose it.
Monday, July 13, 2009
.future plan.
For some time, I've been interested in the ridiculous..
But until I actually get around to doing it or pass my time dreaming about it..
a little something
coming soon to a high point near you
But until I actually get around to doing it or pass my time dreaming about it..
a little something
coming soon to a high point near you
Thursday, July 9, 2009
A word from Rudeboy
Here's a guest piece by JAJ aka rudeboy
-Control was lost and the lights went out-
It's killing time, and i'm trying to kill some time
RUN
what are you running for?
i'm lazy
i feel safe not being here.
today i was here.but unavailable.... no i don't want to share.
you're out of time and i'm out of luck
i was ready to leave before i got here
don't rhyme don't reason
forget how to spell
if it's all fine then i'm raising hell
can't focus
i'm out of focus.
don't ask me that question
"i don't know" is my favorite answer
that's the one thing i do know
it's weird being looked down upon when most people have to look up to see my face
Stop looking back! look forward. to the sides
Down every street, awaits a bad decision.
and i'm full of them
so what are you waiting for.
get lost
get gone
pick a song, a book
leave your feet behind
bring a helmet
I am your future!
the praying starts now!
============
-Control was lost and the lights went out-
It's killing time, and i'm trying to kill some time
RUN
what are you running for?
i'm lazy
i feel safe not being here.
today i was here.but unavailable.... no i don't want to share.
you're out of time and i'm out of luck
i was ready to leave before i got here
don't rhyme don't reason
forget how to spell
if it's all fine then i'm raising hell
can't focus
i'm out of focus.
don't ask me that question
"i don't know" is my favorite answer
that's the one thing i do know
it's weird being looked down upon when most people have to look up to see my face
Stop looking back! look forward. to the sides
Down every street, awaits a bad decision.
and i'm full of them
so what are you waiting for.
get lost
get gone
pick a song, a book
leave your feet behind
bring a helmet
I am your future!
the praying starts now!
============
Wednesday, July 8, 2009
Breathe
I remember walking down this street
Quietly crossing against a roar of traffic
I remember the signs neon aglow
The steam rising from the vents
Every time I step, I realize I still don't know
The years I will have to crack and grow
My eyes water deep and sadness consumes
I've seen many stories and lies
Quite a few have slipped by me
Shame I feel when I realize I've been had
I wish to be no fool, but a great man
I wish to be strong, keeping watch
I step into a puddle splashing away
I sigh, the fog rolling forth
I dream of peace, dream of ease
There is no rest for he who stands alert
In the shadows and on the front lines
The guardian on all sides
This is the only thing I am sure of
My mission to protect and safekeep
Those I love and keep close indefinite
As long as I am alive, I remember
I remember I will die trying
Quietly crossing against a roar of traffic
I remember the signs neon aglow
The steam rising from the vents
Every time I step, I realize I still don't know
The years I will have to crack and grow
My eyes water deep and sadness consumes
I've seen many stories and lies
Quite a few have slipped by me
Shame I feel when I realize I've been had
I wish to be no fool, but a great man
I wish to be strong, keeping watch
I step into a puddle splashing away
I sigh, the fog rolling forth
I dream of peace, dream of ease
There is no rest for he who stands alert
In the shadows and on the front lines
The guardian on all sides
This is the only thing I am sure of
My mission to protect and safekeep
Those I love and keep close indefinite
As long as I am alive, I remember
I remember I will die trying
Tuesday, July 7, 2009
Monday, July 6, 2009
writing out loud
Ive been doing a bit of a spring cleaning and recently came upon these writings from my high school era. It's been 7 years since I've graduated and it's a bit of a shock to see how different I am from then.
Written after my first solo road trip the summer I got my license....it's a Wolfman classic.
Hope you enjoy.
*****
The road to San Francisco is long and hot
High through the mountains and down across farmland
A slaughterhouse is part of the scenery along the way
It reminds us, nay, it humbles our ego
Life is fleeting, short and beautiful
Akin to a billowing cloud of the blue sky
The dust rises high in the air, suffocating
Whither goest thou? it seems to ask
Make it like a dream, a fairyland
Once upon a time, we went far and wide
Now we are free to go anyplace
The sun does not set for anyone
Only for itself, to quench its savage might
To close your eyes as your dream plies
A hundred miles is a short distance
But your life, eternal and untiring
Never will it stop, until to dust you go
Our muscles strain, our bones creak
Every drop of sweat squeezes out
Fall to your knees upon the dying embers
Clenching fist and clawing at the air
Life is too tired to fight back
Now's our chance to win, to be victorious
Amidst the torment and pain
A soft embrace dissolves it all
Darkness falls upon the weary masses
Rolling across the black asphalt
We heed not their cries
Look up at the silvery moon
Does it not shine so brightly?
End this game and be done
Make it stop, make it stop
I can't feel myself anymore
Wrapped up in daily affairs
Throw away this veil over my eyes
We will walk very far
Til our shoes break down
Our limbs hang heavy
Our backs bent into our waist
Drooping lower and lower to the ground
At last, we can die
Peace from this dream, nightmare
Wish me away from here
Sobbing into my scorched palms
The scars never looked so clear
Ugly lines across my flesh
Raise your eyes toward the sky
The colors of the burning atmosphere
Behold, look upon this grand sight!
I dont ever want it to end
Just wish it gone, make it stop
Over and over and over
Good bye and hello
I've come and gone
Now I'm staying for good
But for how long?
As long as the sun rises
As long as the moon shines
******
now, i was able to rethink this as i typed it in...I remember what I was thinking when I originally wrote it and I was trying to convey something that wasn't really tragic or hateful.
But at my age now from then, it's incredible how the perspective and interpretation changes.
Written after my first solo road trip the summer I got my license....it's a Wolfman classic.
Hope you enjoy.
*****
The road to San Francisco is long and hot
High through the mountains and down across farmland
A slaughterhouse is part of the scenery along the way
It reminds us, nay, it humbles our ego
Life is fleeting, short and beautiful
Akin to a billowing cloud of the blue sky
The dust rises high in the air, suffocating
Whither goest thou? it seems to ask
Make it like a dream, a fairyland
Once upon a time, we went far and wide
Now we are free to go anyplace
The sun does not set for anyone
Only for itself, to quench its savage might
To close your eyes as your dream plies
A hundred miles is a short distance
But your life, eternal and untiring
Never will it stop, until to dust you go
Our muscles strain, our bones creak
Every drop of sweat squeezes out
Fall to your knees upon the dying embers
Clenching fist and clawing at the air
Life is too tired to fight back
Now's our chance to win, to be victorious
Amidst the torment and pain
A soft embrace dissolves it all
Darkness falls upon the weary masses
Rolling across the black asphalt
We heed not their cries
Look up at the silvery moon
Does it not shine so brightly?
End this game and be done
Make it stop, make it stop
I can't feel myself anymore
Wrapped up in daily affairs
Throw away this veil over my eyes
We will walk very far
Til our shoes break down
Our limbs hang heavy
Our backs bent into our waist
Drooping lower and lower to the ground
At last, we can die
Peace from this dream, nightmare
Wish me away from here
Sobbing into my scorched palms
The scars never looked so clear
Ugly lines across my flesh
Raise your eyes toward the sky
The colors of the burning atmosphere
Behold, look upon this grand sight!
I dont ever want it to end
Just wish it gone, make it stop
Over and over and over
Good bye and hello
I've come and gone
Now I'm staying for good
But for how long?
As long as the sun rises
As long as the moon shines
******
now, i was able to rethink this as i typed it in...I remember what I was thinking when I originally wrote it and I was trying to convey something that wasn't really tragic or hateful.
But at my age now from then, it's incredible how the perspective and interpretation changes.
The F.E.D. gets involved
This blog is a guest-blog.
The F.E.D. left this with me and kindly asked me to post.
No changes or alterations have been made.
It is typed just as written.
Happy reading!
Upon rising only darkness befell the world I inhabited.
"There it is!" I exclaimed, "The sun!"
"No," my friend said, "that's not the sun. What are you saying? What are you trying to prove? Are you an astronomer?"
"Of course not." I said. "Do you need to be an astronomer to recognize the Sun?"
"You're wasting your time." my friend said. "No one is going to believe that you saw the Sun, and even if they did, So What? You can't change the world, and people haven't seen the Sun,well, since most of them can remember."
"But look! My friend, don't you see the Sun?" I asked.
"No I don't believe I do, sorry, can't you just relax and have a good time?" he asked. "It's a holiday and everyone is out having fun without the Sun."
I closed my eyes and pinched myself to make sure I was awake. Slowly as I raised my eyes heavenward, sucking in a deep breath, I found the courage to open my eyes.
Yet there it was, hard to stare at for its brightness, but none the less right in front of my eyes.
"I'm going out now." I said to my friend. " I won't waste anymore of your time with my babblings about the Sun. I hope you have a safe and happy holiday. Perhaps I'll see you next week."
With that I left.
Although the street was clearly lit ahead of me, I could see nothing in front of my eyes, only darkness befell the world I inhabited.
F.E.D.
07-03-09
Sunday, July 5, 2009
Can't stop the funk!
Get the funk out ma face
Get the funk out ma face
Get the funk out ma face
Get the funk out ma face
You don't like my music
You don't have to use it
Funkin' is a thing that all of us release
You don't have to get it
All you do is let it
Then you'll know exactly how to groove
You don't like my music
You don't have to use it
Funkin' is a thing that all of us release
You don't have to play it
You don't have to say it
You don't even have to try to sing it
Get the funk out ma face
Get the funk out ma face
Get the funk out ma face
Get the funk out ma face
You don't like my music
You don't have to use it
Funkin' is a thing that all of us release
You don't have to get it
All you do is let it
Then tell us our funk did you some good
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