over the hill

As you may or may not know, I've been going through a rebuilding of self. Health, substance abuse, mental adaptation and exploration, friends, family, and the inner me.
I've always been in tune with myself, keeping myself going strong, but for a few years I lost myself, lost my life, lost my friends...
I used to wonder what the purpose of anything was..drifting along in life, not knowing what to do, feeling inadequate in terms of survival...
I never knew what to say, what to do next, lead with my heart....i merely judged deep inside and perceived the world as it unfolded...and without a word understood.
It's taken nearly 9 months now to find the things I once enjoyed regularly, to laugh with an ease you dont find in many people, to see past the bad to a solution...
Now, at 25, I try to kid myself that I've got plenty of time. Bear in mind, I plan on living to 100...but quite a few of those latter years may be spent keeping ahead of death, so it would be lost time.
Nonetheless, I realize the limits of my time and prime. I worry that it's going to take too long...before you know it that exact space of time has passed and you regret the wasteful thinking.
It's been a summer of love and I dont think I could be much more comfortable in life...while a bowl of cereal right now would be great...
I keep thinking that if I was younger and was still wasting my time, I'd have just disappeared to Hawaii to surf for a few years....I used to use that thought to go "oh well, now it's too late." instead I try to turn it into desire and will for school, travel, and life.
now I only regret not going....but that's gotta pass at some point.
I'm as ready as I'll ever be, though.
If Chuck Norris can fight in the Korean War, get trained by Bruce Lee, and fuck Christie Brinkley at 69, then I'll give myself another 65 years before i lose it.